TRANSCRIPT
Audio Log Ref: 12/03/2025 – 14:53 GMT
Classification: SECRET
Field Report: Operatives DE and DA
Location: [REDACTED]
CONTROL: Gentlemen, please start at the beginning.
DE: Thank you, ma’am. Yes, we arrived in LOVELAND, OHIO six days ago.
DA: I think it was the Tuesday?
DE: Yes, it was definitely the Tuesday because you had to call your mum to remind her to take her pills.
DA: If I don’t call her she’ll usually forget, then it’s all heck to play with her bowels.
The room fell silent for a few moments as [REDACTED] waited for the pair to continue telling the story.
DE: Anyway, we arrived and rendezvoused with local enforcement. They informed us that there had been a sighting of the creature classified as "Frogman" behind a local convenience store.
DA: I didn’t believe it initially. There had been a lot of prank calls from the area before, and this seemed similar.
DE: And as we know, there have been numerous hoax sightings of the Frogman dating back to the 1950s. We were expecting this trip to be one of the duds.
DA: I hadn’t really planned to stay out there long. I had only packed for a few nights. We arrived at the location around 1500h, expecting it to be another hour of someone telling us about something their friend saw, but it was a little surprising, actually.
DE: According to the police chief, they had actually apprehended the creature and had it contained in a local swimming pool. Naturally, we asked them to take us there immediately.
DA: It took us a while to get there. It was on the other side of town. I remember this because I was really hungry and didn’t take the opportunity to get some food from the convenience store, which did look quite bad.
DE: We arrived in police convoy, where they had cordoned off the building and secured a perimeter. They assured us that the creature was contained, and so we proceeded without weaponry or equipment. However, as we entered the room with the pool—
DA: I can really remember the smell. Do you recall when we worked on the Lizard of Montenegro case? The half-dog half-lizard thing that laid those eggs everywhere? It smelled a bit like that, but slightly more acidic.
DE: I suspected this was probably the pool chlorine.
DA: I disagreed.
DE: We were also next to a swimming pool in Montenegro.
DA: It smelled like a frog.
DE: How do you know what a frog smells like?
DA: I just know, okay.
[REDACTED] coughs forcefully.
DA: It smelled different as we entered.
DE: However, when we looked into the pool itself, we had no visual on the creature. The police officers seemed distressed and began a sweep of the area. They discovered one of their colleagues unconscious in the big plastic bin with all the pool floats in it. We managed to bring him round after a number of minutes, and he reported that he didn’t see what happened or how he came to be unconscious.
DA: Myself and Declan gave a thorough sweep of the site ourselves, checking above the ceiling panels and in some of the more easily accessible plumbing, but we didn’t see any immediate signs of entry or—uh—frog.
DE: We did notice that the unidentified odour could be traced into the supply cupboard where they stored the chlorine.
DA: Where I then checked. Thoroughly.
DE: We discovered nothing to suggest that the creature had, in fact, ever even been captured or on location, except for the testimony of the authorities. We did, however, discover later that day that the officer who had been rendered unconscious had unusual substances in his system. His medical exam showed signs of psilocybin and other hallucinogenic toxins. We questioned him, and he insisted that he had no idea how this had come to be in his system. We can also confirm that we were using a lie detector—
DA: Not the one I built a few months ago. I know I’m not supposed to use that anymore after what happened.
DE: Yes, we all know what happened. It was the regulation Instakit lie detector.
DA: The bad one that needs upgrading.
DE: By a qualified scientist.
DA: You know I can’t ask Evita.
DE: I don’t think that Dr. Rogers is relevant to this report. Anyway, the next day, we managed to interview the owner of the convenience store where the incident first occurred. She said that she was the first to spot the creature and had immediately called the authorities.
DA: We asked her to describe it: around four-foot tall, vaguely humanoid, green, bulgy eyes, big tongue—well, a big frog, really.
DE: Apparently, it walked on its hind legs and seemed to behave with a greater level of intelligence than a regular amphibian.
DA: She said it was travelling with purpose, like it had someplace to be.
DE: She couldn’t decipher what that purpose was, but she said that it had an extremely long tongue that was trailing along the ground, dripping a trail of moisture. She intuited that it was perhaps hungry and looking for sustenance.
DA: Before she had a chance to take a picture, it ran away, like they always do. So we asked her about the CCTV, and she said there isn’t any. It’s such a small town that everyone knows each other, so it’s not so much a problem. Convenient, if you ask me.
DE: Out of a hunch, we asked if we could take a sample of her blood so that we could run another tox report. She agreed, and we left. There was no sign whatsoever of any trace of the creature. However, it had rained heavily the night before. Interestingly, the tox report also showed signs of hallucinogens in her blood.
DA: The trail went pretty cold after that. We spent a few more days asking around, but we didn’t get anything that would help us further the case. I bought a novelty shirt though.
[REDACTED]: The one you’re wearing right now that says “I love Loveland”?
DA: No.
DE: Oh, you mean the one you have that says “love is love is love is Loveland.”
DA: Yeah, that one!
DE: I thought the ‘live, laugh, Loveland’ one was better.
DA: I imagined you did. You bought loads of them.
[REDACTED] suddenly stopped the interview.TRANSCRIPT